I woke up this morning with an odd feeling. I kept thinking "Today is an important day, but why?" It's reading day at UD, classes finished yesterday, I'm going to Big Dog's bootcamp tonight, but none of those are it. I looked at my iCal and saw that today is May 16th. In exactly one month, 31 days, Miss Delaware 2012 will be crowned. It feels like just yesterday it was June and I was hysterical watching one of my closest friends being crowned Miss Delaware 2011. It's all a little bittersweet. Maria has been such a phenomenal, gracious, inspiring, and personable Miss Delaware, and I know she will be missed dearly by the board, us contestants, and the entire state of Delaware. As exciting as it is to think that in one month I have a 1 in 18 shot of being the next Miss Delaware, it saddens me that Maria will be giving up her title and moving on to another exciting chapter of her life.
Lovin' you all day err'day Miss Cahill, ya goober.
Since Maria, and the other former Miss Delaware titleholders have set such a high standard of grace, class, and poise, it's only natural that this year, 18 incredible, intelligent, and stunning young women will take the stage to compete to be the next titleholder. I mentioned in an earlier blog post that I originally entered this program to win scholarship money. I have been fortunate enough to have my entire undergraduate career paid for through academic scholarships and those given to me by the America's Junior Miss/Distinguished Young Women of America Scholarship Program. My hard work in high school has paid off to the tune of over $120,000 and I'm very proud to say I earned every penny of it. (My parents are probably pretty stoked about that too.) As important as it is to me to try to win some scholarship money to help me finance law school, there is so much more.I also mentioned in the same blog post that this year, my reasons for competing in Miss Delaware are a little different.
I was never the most confident girl growing up. I was confident in certain aspects of myself, such as my intelligence, my ability to make friends, my dancing, singing, and my piano playing, but I never thought much of myself as far as beauty, something that seems so shallow, but is so important to self esteem. When I was younger, Miss Delaware 1999 Kama Bolland was at an appearance in my small hometown of Selbyville, DE. I somehow had the courage to march right up to her and inform her that when I was grown up, I would be Miss Delaware just like her. Instead of laughing at me or telling me to dream on, Kama took time out of her day to sit and discuss with me what it takes to be Miss Delaware, and how if I kept dreaming and practicing, I could be there one day. Now in 2012 at 20 years old, I still have that autograph card from Kama in my bedroom that says "Alyssa, keep dreaming! Love, Kama." Through some hardships in middle and high school, I somehow lost sight of that long-forgotten dream. Though I went through a phase from about 6-9 years old where I wanted to be Miss America, this has not been a lifelong dream for me, it is more recently developed. 2 years ago as a senior in high school, if someone had told me I would place 4th runner-up to Miss Delaware the very next year, I would have laughed in their face. Once Miss Sandy Soucek and a couple other board members, and my wonderful DJM directors gave me a nudge in the right direction, I read that autograph card from Kama and thought "hey, maybe I can do this." (Side note: Kama Bolland was a Miss Delaware judge last year and I was so awestruck I couldn't even bring myself to mention to her that she was the reason I was there.)
Last year, I let my negativity hold me back. Not just in Miss Delaware, but in life. I've always been too critical of myself, and my "I can't" attitude was starting to bring me down. Its the Miss America Organization that has turned me around and made me into a much more positive, optimistic person. This past year especially I've noticed a change in myself, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well. Through working with Marcellus Beasley, my body, my attitude, and my strength, both inner and outer have improved by leaps and bounds. It's amazing how making a commitment to change your body can change so much else about you. Where as last year, I was self-conscious and shy in swimsuit, this year I'm ready to strut it. I've found working out to be a way of life now, rather than a way to look decent in a bikini on the Miss Delaware stage.
Seeing Maria on her journey as Miss Delaware has opened my eyes to the duties, opportunities, and power that a Miss Delaware can have. Not too long ago, Maria and I were eating frozen yogurt outside of Yogoberry on Main Street in Newark. Without a crown and sash, Maria connected with this little girl and invited her to sit with us. We struck up a conversation with this young girl and seeing her face light up at 2 older girls befriending her touched my heart. Maria can have that kind of impact on a child without being Miss Delaware, so you can imagine how she connects with them with a crown and sash on. To have the opportunity to leave a child with a memory of meeting Miss Delaware, to be able to encourage young girls, to be a role model, that's what it's all about, and that didn't click for me until very recently. Someday, I want to change a young girl's life, the way Kama Bolland changed mine, the way Maria has changed so many. Someday, I hope to have the opportunity to tell a young girl that one day she could be Miss Delaware, and to keep dreaming, because not too long ago, I lost sight of my dream, and some very special people helped me to have the courage to go for it again. I have an 8-year old sister, and honestly the role model for her generation are pretty bleak. Miss America gives girls like me the opportunity to be a role model for young girls like my sister, and I want so much to make a difference in someone's life the way a Miss Delaware did in mine not too long ago.
The strides that I have taken this year towards becoming my best version of myself have led me to this point: One month before Miss Delaware, feeling confident and as if I can conquer my goals, a feeling I was a stranger to last year. The journey I have taken as Miss Sussex County 2011 and Miss Coastal Bay 2012 have brought me here, and whether or not I am blessed enough to become Miss Delaware 2012, I know my journey is far from over.
May is going to be the LONGEST month of my entire life!
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer. - Psalm 19:14
